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[Scene opens in Mario's office, with Mario sitting at his desk.]

Mario: So, how did the frogacham go? By the looks of it, everything went off without a hitch.

[Camera pans to see Sonic and Tails holding Luigi's corpse. Sunglasses are covering Luigi's eyes.]

Sonic: Oh, yeah, everything went great. And Luigi definitely didn't get murdered by a truck. Right, Luigi?

Tails: [Luigi impression] Oh, yeah! Everything went as smooth as mama's pizza, ravioli de teeny!

Mario: Oh, I miss her ravoili de teeny. And, her busted gettolies. Anyway, I got an easy job for you this time. Head over to Donkey Kong Country and pick up some TNT barrels. I feel like blowin' up some worlds.

[Sonic and Tails exit while carrying Luigi's corpse.]

Mario: Wait!

[Sonic returns.]

Mario: Nickname, please?

Sonic: Oh, um, Mario Andretti?

Mario: Eh, this joke's run it's course, yeah?

Sonic: Yeah, pretty much. Okay, I gotta go.

[Sonic leaves. Scene transitions to Donkey Kong Country where Sonic and Tails put Luigi's corpse in a barrel.]

Sonic: Okay. Luigi, don't go anywhere, 'til we get back, all right? [laughs]

Tails: Yeah, hilarious, all right. Look, there's the barrels. Let's just get 'em and go.

[Sonic and Tails go to where the TNT Barrels and Candy Kong are.]

Sonic: Oh-ho! Woof! Hey, uh, we need that TNT, so, if you could just, uh, put this bag over your head, and step aside, that'd be awesome.

[Sonic takes out a paper bag and throws it to Candy Kong.]

Candy Kong: Oh, you're a cutie pie. I'll move for a kiss… and SEX.

Tails: All right, come on, man. Just hurry up and plow her so we can get the hell out of here.

Sonic: No way, dude. I may have boned a mutant brain monster, but I am drawing the line at this thing. It's just Donkey Kong in a bikini.

Candy Kong: No boom-boom, no "boom-boom".

Sonic: Huh-huh. Fine. I'm serious about the paper bag, though.

[Mario appears and is very cross. Sonic and Tails back up in horror.]

Mario: You're fuckin' dead, Sonic!

Sonic: Whew, thank god. I'll honestly take death right about now.

Mario: The little froggy that was SUPPOSED to be dead, just hopped into my office, and told me what happened!

Sonic: Oh, Frogger? Clearly that was his ghost. Do you know about this? He's a lying ghost fuck now that hates Italian dudes.

Mario: What about Luigi's mutilated corpse in that barrel?

Sonic: Classic Luigi, always nappin' in a barrel.

Mario: Ima fuckin' kill you, where you stand, Sonic! YOU'RE FUCKIN' DE—AAAAHHH!!!

[Candy Kong punches Mario, making him fall off the cliff.]

Sonic: Holy shit! You saved my life!

Candy Kong: How about you repay me with some-

[Sonic kicks Candy Kong, making her fall off the cliff.]

Candy Kong: SEEEEEEX!

Sonic: Yeah, still not worth it.

[Ending sequence. Scene transitions to Donkey Kong Country as Mario climbs up the cliff'.]

Mario: Dun-dun-duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun. Mario's still aliiiiive.

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