Donkey Kong Country/Transcript

"Donkey Kong Country"

	Scene opens in Mario's office with Mario sitting at his desk, following Sonic's attempt to kill Frogger.
Mario	So how did the Frogger job go? By the looks of it, everything went off without a hitch.
	We see Sonic and Tails holding a corpse of Luigi. Sunglasses are covering Luigi's eyes.
Sonic	Oh yeah. Everything went great, and Luigi definitely didn't get murdered by a truck. Right, Luigi?
Tails	[speaking as a Luigi impression] Oh, yeah! Everything went as smooth as mama's pizza, ravioli, and natini!
Mario	Oh, I miss her ravoili needy, and their pasta getatoli's. Anyway, I got an easy job for you this time. Head over to Donkey Kong Country and pick up some TNT barrels. I feel like blowin' up some worlds.
	Sonic and Tails exit while carrying Luigi's corpse.
Mario	Wait!
	Sonic returns.
Mario	Nickname, please?
Sonic	Oh, um... Mario Andretti?
Mario	Eh, this joke is 'round its course, yeah?
Sonic	Yeah, pretty much. Okay, I gotta go.
	Sonic leaves. Scene transitions to Donkey Kong Country where Sonic and Tails put Luigi's corpse in a barrel.
Sonic	Okay. Luigi, don't go anywhere 'til we get back. Alright?
	Sonic laughs.
Tails	Yeah, that's hilarious. All right. Look, there's the barrels. Let's just get 'em and go.
	Sonic and Tails go to where the TNT Barrels and Candy Kong are.
Sonic	Oh ho! [scoffs] Hey, uh, we need that TNT, so, if you could just, uh, put this bag over your head, and step aside, that'd be awesome.
	Sonic takes out a paper bag and throws it to Candy Kong.
Candy Kong	Oh, you're a cutie pie. I'll move... for a kiss... and SEX.
Tails	Alright, come on, man. Just hurry up and plow her so we can get the hell out of here.
Sonic	No way, dude. I may have boned a mutant brain monster, but I am drawing the line at this thing. It's just Donkey Kong in a bikini.
Candy Kong	No boom-boom? No "boom-boom."
Sonic	[scoffs] Fine. I'm serious about the paper bag, though.
	Mario appears and is very furious. Sonic and Tails back up in horror.
Mario	You're fuckin' dead, Sonic!
Sonic	Phew. Thank god, I'll honestly take death right about now.
Mario	That little froggy that was SUPPOSED to be dead, just hopped into my office, and told me what happened!
Sonic	Oh, Frogger? Clearly, that was his ghost. Do you know about this? He's a lying ghost frog, now, who hates Italian dudes.
Mario	What about Luigi's mutilated corpse in that barrel?
Sonic	Classic Luigi. Always nappin' in a barrel.
Mario	I'ma fuckin' kill you, where you stand, Sonic! YOU'RE FUCKIN' DE—
	Candy Kong punches Mario, making him fall off the cliff and scream.
Sonic	Holy shit! You saved my life!
Candy Kong	How about you repay me with some [Sonic kicks Candy Kong, making her fall off the cliff.] STUUUUUUFF?!
Sonic	Yeah, still not worth it.
	Ending sequence. Scene transitions to Donkey Kong Country as Mario climbs up the cliff hums to the tune of "Shock Horror (A)" by Dick Stephen Walter.
Mario	Mario's still ALIVE.
End of "Donkey Kong Country"