Mario: (in the office) So, how did the frogacham go? By the looks of it, everything went off with that edge.
Sonic: (he and Tails are carrying Luigi's dead body; Luigi's corpse has sunglasses over his eyes so Mario won't notice Luigi died on the job.) Oh, yeah, everything went great. And Luigi definitely didn't get murdered by a truck. Right, Luigi?
Tails: (does the voice as Luigi) Oh, yeah! Everything went as smooth as mama's pizza, ravioli de teeny!
Mario: Oh, I miss the ravoili de teeny. And, they're busted gettolies. Anyway, I got an easy job for you, this time. Head over to Donkey Kong Country and pick up some T.N.T. barrels. I feel like, blowin' up some worlds. (Sonic and Tails carry Luigi away) Wait! (Sonic comes back) Nickname, please?
Sonic: Oh, um, Mario Andretti?
Mario: Eh, this joke's run it's course, yeah?
Sonic: Yeah, pretty much. Okay, I gotta go. (leaves; cut Donkey Kong Country, where Sonic and Tails put Luigi's dead body in a barrel) Okay. Luigi, don't go anywhere, 'til we get back, all right? (laughs)
Tails: Yeah, hilarious, all right. Look, there's the barrels. Let's just get 'em and go. (he and Sonic dash to the T.N.T. barrels places; see Candy Kong)
Sonic: Oh-ho! Woof! Hey, uh, we need those T.N.T.'s, so, if you could just, uh, put this bag over your head, and step aside, that'd be awesome. (throws a paper bag to Candy Kong)
Candy: Oh, you're a cutie pie. I'll move for a kiss… and SEX.
Tails: All right, come on, man. Just hurry up and plow her so we can get the hell out of here.
Sonic: No way, dude. I may have boned a mutant brain monster, but I am drawing the line at this thing. It's just Donkey Kong in a bikini.
Candy: No boom-boom, no "boom-boom".
Sonic: Huh-huh. Fine. I'm serious about the paper bag, though.
Mario: (jumps into the jungle very cross, causing Sonic and Tails to back up in horror) You're fuckin' dead, Sonic!
Sonic: Whew, thank god. I'll honestly take death right about now.
Mario: The little froggy that was SUPPOSED to be dead, just hopped into my office, and TOLD me what happened!
Sonic: Oh, Frogger? Clearly that was his ghost. Do you know about this? He's a lying ghost fuck now that hates Italian dudes.
Mario: What about Luigi's mutilated corpse in that barrel?
Sonic: Classic Luigi, always nappin' in a barrel.
Mario: Ima fuckin' kill you, where you stand, Sonic! YOU'RE FUCKIN' DE—AAAAHHH!!! (Candy punches Mario off a cliff)
Sonic: Holy shit! You saved my life!
Candy: How about you repay me with some- (Sonic kicks Candy off the cliff) SEEEEEEX!
Sonic: Yeah, still not worth it.
Mario: (After Sonic For Hire and LowBrow logos, Mario climbs up the cliff very high to take his revenge) Dun-dun-duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun. Mario's still aliiiiive.