Sonic For Hire: ExciteBike is the first episode and season premiere of the second season of the Sonic For Hire series and is the fourteenth episode overall.


Sonic, now having been an eggplant for months, is watching his poster in silence. Tails enters the apartment, wrapped in bandages and seated in a wheelchair. Sonic angrily asks Tails where he has been, with Tails confirming that he has been in a coma on account of him being drunk and crashing the Tornado. He goes on to explain his alcohol addiction in great detail, only for Sonic to ignore him, heading to the hospital. Back to his old self again, Sonic excitedly asks Tails what his next job is, only for Tails to angrily remind Sonic about his coma and that he has no jobs for him. Just then, an ExciteBiker, also in a wheelchair, tells Sonic that ExciteBike is hosting a race that night, and he needs someone to fill in for him, to which Sonic happily accepts. At the race track, Sonic rides his ExciteBike over a few ramps, but quickly loses control, flies several feet in the air, and lands right on Tails, breaking all his bones. Once again in the hospital, Sonic halfheartedly apologizes to Tails, now in a full body cast. As Sonic leaves to take a nap, he changes channels on the T.V. in Tails' room to a Golden Girls marathon. The episode ends with Tails muffling in agony for someone to change the channel.

Characters Appearing


(An eggplant Sonic watches the poster for 9 seconds)

Tails: Hey, asshole!

Sonic: Mr.Wilkins, is that you? Oh, I knew you could talk!

Tails: Genius, it's me Tails.

Sonic: Oh. Where the hell have you been? I've been stuck like this for months. And don't give me some bullshit excuse like you were stuck in a coma or something.

Tails: I was in a coma, you dick! I just wheeled myself home from the hospital!

Sonic: Hospital, eh?

Tails: Well, since you didn't ask I'll just tell you. I-I was drunk and I drove off the Tornado. It's crazy that I'm saying this but I think I have a serious drinking problem, Sonic. I mean, every time I think I've got it under control it's just this demon inside me that's calling for me--

Sonic: Yeah, demons, awesome. Hey, take me to the hospital so I can bust outta this fucking eggplant curse.

Tails: Have you been listening to me?!

Sonic: Of course! Congrats on the baby! First beer's on me, let's go.

(Sonic makes a full recovery at the hospital)

Sonic: Whoo, Sonic is back, baby! Time to grab the world by its balls and jab my thumb up its prostate! Alright, what's my next job?

Tails: I'VE BEEN IN A FUCKING COMA, ASSHOLE!! I don't have a job for you!

Excitebiker: Hey, I got a job for ya! There's an Excitebike race tonight. I need someone to fill in for me.

Sonic: There. Was that so hard?

(Sonic gets ready to race)

Sonic: Let's do this dance!

(Sonic rides on some hills and rams into Tails by accident)

Sonic: Sorry I broke all your bones, Tails. I'd stick around but, uh, I gotta go take a nap. I'll just leave it onnnn.....this Golden Girls marathon.

(Sonic leaves Tails)

Tails : (muffled) Hey! Hey, change it! Sonic! SONIC!! SOOOONIIIC!!!