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Sonic For Hire: Gears of War is the eleventh episode of the seventh season of the Sonic For Hire series and is the eighty-ninth episode overall. In this episode, Sonic and Tails encounter Cliff Bleszinski to find out how to encounter the Creator.

Plot

The guys are standing in the center of a crossroad in The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past. Tails mentions that the left path leads to Dead or Alive, as evidenced by the jiggly footage of scantily clad girls in suggestive poses on the beach. He also mentions that the right path leads to Gears of War, as evidenced by the not-jiggly footage of steroid-pumped soldiers fighting off mutants on a blood-soaked battlefield. Tails remembers that Link's clue mentioned "ignoring mountains to get to a cliff". He theorizes that all the boobs in Dead or Alive must represent the "mountains", and thus the guys should probably head to Gears of War. Jim haltingly agrees to this... before he and Eggman sprint off into Dead or Alive, leaving Sonic and Tails, as well as the series. Sonic waxes poetically on how no one can resist the power of boobies. Tails finds his poem beautiful, asking if Hemingway wrote it. Sonic mentions that Princess Potato had the same quote tattooed on her labia. He and Tails head down the right path.

Sonic and Tails realize they have made a potentially fatal mistake heading into Gears of War, as they have arrived smack dab in the middle of the war zone. Sonic thinks that he and Tails are about to die, and mentions how he hates Link. Tails remembers that Sonic stole the Triforce from Link in the last episode. Tails tries to figure out how it works, until Sonic grabs it and throws it on the ground, destroying it. Suddenly, the ground starts rumbling and a flash of light envelopes them. When the light clears, the soldiers and mutants are gone. As Tails asks what in the hell just happened, another brief rumble and flash of light occur. Afterwards, a strange man appears in a portal in the sky, singing to himself, then noticing Sonic and Tails. Sonic thinks the man in the sky is a genie, then immediately calls the first wish and wishes for all of Tails' wishes. The man mentions that he recognizes Sonic and Tails as "the idiots that jump from game to game and pretty much just fuck everything up". Tails starts to agree, but then becomes excited when he thinks the mystery person they're talking to is the Creator. The man mentions that he is a Creator. More specifically, he introduces himself as Cliff Blesinski, the creator of Gears of War. Tails realizes that this is what Link meant when he said "get to the Cliff". Sonic tells Cliff, while bungling his last name, that he still wants all of Tails' wishes, and a copy of the next Call of Duty game, calling it the best game to ever exist. Cliff reiterates that he's not a genie, and argues that Gears of War is much better. Tails tells Mr. Blezinski to ignore his friend, then asks him if he has a clue to find the actual Creator. Cliff mentions that he does, but he has something he wants to try first. With a snap of his fingers, Cliff transforms Sonic into a Ticker, something that gets him and Tails happy, and Sonic upset.

Tails asks once again about the clue. Cliff understands their situation, since they did manage to find a Creator, just not the right one. As such, he offers to help the two get back on the right track. Tails thanks Cliff, also bungling his last name. Cliff regally prepares to tell them the next clue to find the Creator, sending the fox and Sonic the Ticker into hysterics. In contrast with the other clues, which were more "mysterious and rhyme-y", Cliff's clue turns out to be directions on how to get to a random address somewhere. Sonic the Ticker mentions that Cliff's clue sucked, with Tails supporting him, comparing his clue to the others they have heard so far. Cliff tries to make a better clue, bashing together random terms such as Terminator, and fails. Sonic the Ticker loudly jeers, angering Cliff, who wants them to leave. Sonic the Ticker asks Cliff if he can turn him back to normal first, which he does by snapping his fingers again. Sonic thanks "Cliffy the Genie", who tells him that he hates him. Before they leave, Tails has a Gears of War question for Cliff. He asks how he can beat the level in which Marcus Fenix shows the player around and they get their guns. Cliff realizes that Tails is talking about the tutorial level, which Tails confirms, leading Cliff to tell the fox that he should be ashamed of himself. Tails calls Cliff out on this, mentioning that he doesn't even work for Epic Games anymore, telling him to do something other than Twitter. Cliff, on his phone, refuses, mentioning that he likes Twitter. Tails rudely tells him to leave, sarcastically thanking him for the shitty clue. On an angry note, Cliff vanishes. Tails concludes that their meeting went well, while Sonic is confused as to what kind of genie doesn't grant wishes.

At the Lowbrow screen, Sonic tells the viewers to download the Machinima app for Xbox One, so they can see him and the other cartoons of Happy Hour. But mostly him.

Character Appearances

Transcript

Click here to view the transcript.

Video

To be uploaded.