[Scene opens in white space. Sonic, Tails, Earthworm Jim, and Knuckles are standing around as pixels.]

Knuckles: Alright, I'm gonna go kill myself.

[Knuckles floats off-screen. Dr. Eggman floats on-screen.]

Sonic: Good luck!

Dr. Eggman: Hey, where's uh, Boxing Gloves going?

Earthworm Jim: Kill himself.

Dr. Eggman: Ah, that's a shame. So, what are we doing today, ladies?

Sonic: Eggman, how the fuck did you manage to get fatter in the middle of total nothingness?

Dr. Eggman: Hey, it's not total nothingness! There are delicious atoms all around us!

Earthworm Jim: Ooh, I've got an idea! OK, so if Eggman is eating, that means he's eventually gotta take a dump, right? So, what if we take a shit and use it to build stuff?

Tails: Build a world of Eggman shit?

Dr. Eggman: This sounds smart. Hmm, I like this. Good thinking, Jim.

Sonic: I'm Sonic!

Dr. Eggman: [laughs] Wait wait wait, Sonic is blue? [laughs] Uh, since when?

Earthworm Jim: Since forever! Would you just shit already?

Eggman: Alright, just one second... [grunts]

[A brown pixel appears from Dr. Eggman.]

Dr. Eggman: There you go, Jim. Have it!

Earthworm Jim: Aw, like, somehow that smells much worse than what I imagined! [sighs] Here I go! [nudges the brown square] Oh god! I know it doesn't look like it, but this is so fucking gross!

Sonic: Stop! This is insane! There's no way I'm gonna sit in a shit kitchen and eat shit lasagna off a shit fork! For the love of God, please someone fucking help us!

[A black pixel appears above Sonic.]

Sonic: What was that?

Tails: It's a pixel! You did it, Sonic, you asked for help and someone or something answered! Ask again!

Dr. Eggman: Please for the love of God, one of those bacon, egg, and cheese sandwiches with doughnut bread!

Sonic: Moron, you have to be sensible! Fifty kajillion pixels and an army of Kate Upton builders!... One pixel?

[Another black pixel appears.]

Earthworm Jim: [sigh] This is gonna take forever!

Tails: Hold on, let me try something. Can I have an orange pixel?

[An orange pixel appears and merges with Tails.]

Tails: Nice! It's a bit blocky, but, I think if we asks the right questions, we can build ourselves up!

Sonic: [sighs] Must you narrate everything we do?

[A screen reading "Eventually..." appears, transitioning the scene to a black space where Sonic, Tails, and Earthworm Jim are standing as 8-bit figures as Tetrominoes fall from above and build objects.]

Tails: Alright, we asked for this Tetris thingy to build shit for us, and, uh, we've built ourselves all the way up to eight bits. I think we're done here.

Earthworm Jim: Done!? We look like we all have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

Sonic: Speak for yourself dude, I look gooood. Check this out!

[Sonic tries to perform a Spin Dash, but his legs fall off.]

Sonic: Aw, damnit! Stupid pixel legs. I HATE THIS PLACE!

[Dr. Eggman enters on-screen using a large pixel penis to crawl around.]

Dr. Eggman: Oh, don't be mad because you wasted your pixels on stupid legs. Behold, giant pixel dick!

[A white "J" Tetromino falls from above.]

Dr. Eggman: Wait, what's this thing doing?

Sonic, Tails, Dr. Eggman, and Earthworm Jim: [mumbles about the Tetromino falling on Dr. Eggman's penis.]

[The white "J" Tetromino falls on Dr. Eggman's penis, destroying it. Dr. Eggman's head begins jumping around.]


[Dr. Eggman poops twice. Earthworm Jim backs up.]

Earthworm Jim: Oh god, 8-bit shit smells so much worse!

[Ending sequence.]

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